My Daughter is Trying to Kill Me

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Ok, maybe she isn’t actually trying to kill me. It’s possible that she doesn’t realize that when she starts talking about a boy at school being her *gulp* boyfriend she doesn’t even realize that my stomach lurches and I throw up a little in my throat. But now she is asking to go on dates and I think it might be the death of me. 

I used to be a boy. Many years ago before I became the manly man that I am today I was a pimply pubescent prowler partying with pretty girls. I remember that guy. He was not responsible. At the risk of offending parents today, I tell you this – if you have a son in puberty, he is that way too. It’s hormones and I get that. I was raised in the south-ish so I at least said “yes, sir” and “no, sir” when I spoke to girls’ parents. It was required and expected, but now I live in a different part of the country where kids don’t typically do that and they say “yeah” instead of “yes” which drives me crazy, but I digress.

So, what to do now that this little worm has his eyes set on our beautiful and intelligent daughter? My first (legal) thought was to push the whole “you’re too young to go out with anybody, now go play with your dolls” angle. My wife assures me that isn’t realistic. Then I thought, hey I didn’t go anywhere except church with a girl until she was 15. That seemed like a great idea until I realized that our girl turns 15 in a very short period of time. Damn. What’s a dad to do?

Finally I remembered something that a very wise man threatened me with when I was a 15-year-old wormy woman seeker: the Application to Date My Daughter. When he threatened me with it there was no google, so I am assuming he couldn’t find it and that’s how I slipped through the cracks. Google is here now though, so this is what I am delivering to the little lad that dares to leer at our young lady.

Application for Permission to Date My Daughter


So, moms and dads, what do you think? What are the dating rules at your house? I have some more ideas that I will express once my cardiologist straightens me out, but I want to hear from you. Stay tuned for my ideas on what are ‘appropriate dates’ if I do get overruled and our angel is allowed to be somewhere other than in class with this bum… 


  1. says

    #JUSOFONII In Babushka’s family the thought at meeting our daughters’ intended was “OMG, I’m gonna have some ugly grandkids.” Gratefully we were wrong, each generation has picked well from the gene pool. Relax, yours will too. Besides, you really have no choice in the matter. ; ) BB2U

  2. says

    I am not ready for the whole boyfriend girlfriend thing. Not ready.

    I have a 10 year old son and he has recently mentioned wanting to get a valentine for a girl. I am so not ready! I am telling my husband now to put little tidbits in his head about the proper way to treat a girl. I hope he is listening!

  3. says

    Thankfully we aren’t quite there yet with my kids although it’s coming sooner than I would like. We are definitely going to focus on hanging out in groups and less on one-on-one dating.

  4. Bonnie @wemake7 says

    My daughter is almost 16 and has been with her current boyfriend for a year now. My dating rules when he comes over is they are downstairs only and he’s to visit once and awhile not everyday so she can focus on her school work instead lol.

  5. says

    This was too funny! This is why my husband doesn’t want a daughter; he says he would begin building a moat around the house when she is a toddler.

  6. Rebecca Swenor says

    Interesting post indeed and I have to admit I had to laugh a little. My dad had to sift through the guys for four of us. It really didn’t stop us from dating them though. When I had my niece to raise I felt this same way. She dated a guy throughout high school we all approved of so I had it easy,

  7. Vicki F says

    Truth! Stick to your convictions, dad. Your daughter will respect you for it in the long run. I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16, and I turned out fine.

  8. says

    This is a very tricky situation. You can raise your kids with the best intentions, but those hormones get in the way. My father was very strict about me dating, but I always found a way around his rules. Now with a son, we are trying to be very conscious about how we raise him and how to teach him to be respectful. It isn’t an easy stage.

  9. says

    My 3 girls are all adults now! I’m way too young for that – haha, but dating rules were strictly enforced at my house and they were encouraged to hang out with a group of friends as opposed to dating. They never dated before 16. I’m happy to say that 2 of them are happily married to wonderful men and the 3rd is about to be married to a keeper in May. Dang. We must have done something right. :)

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