* This post is in no way sponsored by ABC or The Bachelor – all snark is my own.
Soooo last night marked the season premier of the 45924th season of the Bachelor, the show where shirtless dudes search for love. Honestly, I’ve been over the show for quite awhile, but at this point it’s just so darn funny. And while I truly hope that everyone ends up happily ever after is is there for the “right reasons”, it’s pretty much just funny stuff at this point.
So Ben Higgins is the Bachelor this year and was a reject from the last season of the Bachelorette, which I watched but for some reason can’t think what the girl looked like. Yeah, don’t remember Ben either, but whatever. The show opens with gratuitous shots of his “hometown” of some teeny town in Indiana (cue montag of sunsets, tractors, and wheatfields).
So then come the parade of women, which is honestly, one of my favorite parts of the whole entire season…as seasons move on it’s like there is a challenge to be more and more silly and find ways to catch his attention. Here are a few of my faves:
- A woman wearing a unicorn head. My teenager was walking through the room when this person exited the limo, and she said “What the hell?” I couldn’t even get mad at her for cursing, because, really, what the hell?
- A woman wearing a giant rose on her head. Which she then said that Ben could pollinate. My teenager daughter said “Oh, nooooo.” and left the room right away. Thanks for that bit of awkwardness, Bachelor 2016.
- A woman wearing a onesie pair of footed pajamas. Because, you know, she’s the onesie for Ben.
- A woman with a mini horse! Yay, mini horses! Maybe her mini horse can play with our mini horse, Captain Jack.
- Twins. Yep. They went there. They talk in unison and live in Las Vegas and appear to have no occupation other than being a twin.
- There is a woman who appears to speak no English???
- One woman made him break huge loaves of bread because she hates gluten. I wish she would not have killed the bread. Bread is good.
- There is a woman whose occupation is listed as a Chicken Enthusiast. I looked her up – she’s actually a dental assistant, which I guess is much less interesting than Chicken Enthusiast. I got excited because I was wondering how much you could make being a Chicken Enthusiast.
The rose ceremony culled the herd – stop reading here if you don’t want spoilers , with notable departures including the bread murderer (hah! Karma), the Chicken Enthusiast, the onesie chick, a redhead who called herself Red Velvet, and #sadday the mini-horse.
AFTER the rose ceremony, the season’s bad girl (or at least I think she will be), Lace, who was overly drunk (does no one ever learn?) cried and whined to Ben about not getting a rose sooner. Sigh. It’s going to be a long season.
So that’s it for this week….tune in next week for the highlights if you don’t watch yourself.