Ok, maybe she isn’t actually trying to kill me. It’s possible that she doesn’t realize that when she starts talking about a boy at school being her *gulp* boyfriend she doesn’t even realize that my stomach lurches and I throw up a little in my throat. But now she is asking to go on dates and I think it might be the death of me.
I used to be a boy. Many years ago before I became the manly man that I am today I was a pimply pubescent prowler partying with pretty girls. I remember that guy. He was not responsible. At the risk of offending parents today, I tell you this – if you have a son in puberty, he is that way too. It’s hormones and I get that. I was raised in the south-ish so I at least said “yes, sir” and “no, sir” when I spoke to girls’ parents. It was required and expected, but now I live in a different part of the country where kids don’t typically do that and they say “yeah” instead of “yes” which drives me crazy, but I digress.
So, what to do now that this little worm has his eyes set on our beautiful and intelligent daughter? My first (legal) thought was to push the whole “you’re too young to go out with anybody, now go play with your dolls” angle. My wife assures me that isn’t realistic. Then I thought, hey I didn’t go anywhere except church with a girl until she was 15. That seemed like a great idea until I realized that our girl turns 15 in a very short period of time. Damn. What’s a dad to do?
Finally I remembered something that a very wise man threatened me with when I was a 15-year-old wormy woman seeker: the Application to Date My Daughter. When he threatened me with it there was no google, so I am assuming he couldn’t find it and that’s how I slipped through the cracks. Google is here now though, so this is what I am delivering to the little lad that dares to leer at our young lady.
So, moms and dads, what do you think? What are the dating rules at your house? I have some more ideas that I will express once my cardiologist straightens me out, but I want to hear from you. Stay tuned for my ideas on what are ‘appropriate dates’ if I do get overruled and our angel is allowed to be somewhere other than in class with this bum…