Don’t Be So Quick to Wait

Last week, in an interview, I was asked for suggestions that might help other families grappling with challenges such as childhood disability.

I wanted to comply, since I’m well acquainted with the helpless feeling that comes with not knowing what to do about something. There was just one problem. People in an acute situation tend to want specific steps. See this specialist. Ask for that therapy. And I’m in no position to hand out that kind of guidance.

What I did offer felt like bromides—things like not forgetting to respect and love your child—and I endeavored to explain why seemingly trite observations still bear repeating.

So far, so good. I’m satisfied with what I said in the interview. But it’s becoming apparent that this new role of being the author of a book such as mine brings an opportunity and maybe even a responsibility to offer as much help as possible.

So here’s another thought. It doesn’t originate with me, and in fact this too may sound trite. However, it runs counter to the advice still given by some pediatricians, and so it needs to be said.

A child’s earliest years are vitally important. It’s well known that children who have no developmental problems learn things like languages most easily when they’re very small. Otherwise normal children who are not stimulated, or not cuddled and hugged, or not given social opportunities will likely pay a price later on in terms of their capacity to interact normally with the rest of the world.

By the same token, early intervention has been shown to help children who display warning signs of possibly having developmental difficulties. Given the number of specialists who make that point, there should be no debate. And yet, earlier this year a Canadian pediatrician was in the news recommending against early screening for developmental issues. It’s entirely possible that the pediatrician you see may likewise be telling concerned parents the same thing doctors told my family many years ago: Be patient. We’ll know more when he’s older. Until then, just wait. (What the doctors later said, after we had obediently waited, was that nothing could be done for our little guy.)

All children need love, and stimulation is part of that love. It sometimes takes the form of being turned upside-down by Daddy, or being exposed to music, or even simply observing what is important in the parents’ lives.

When my wife and I were helping our disabled son, we learned that his problem acted like a barrier. It was a screen that impeded the sensory input he was supposed to be receiving from the world. So in our clumsy, imperfect way, we sought to overcome the barrier by vastly increasing the intensity, frequency, and duration of that input. As a result, he acquired new skills, thereby proving wrong the doctors who’d given up on him.

The opportunity to help kids in this way is fleeting. Past a certain age, the effectiveness of interventions tapers off. I fail to see any justification in waiting months and years for a child to miraculously start catching up, especially given the energy and motivation most parents already have. So every time anyone asks what I can suggest to families who are uneasy about their children’s development, my short list includes this: Don’t let anybody tell you to go home and wait. Instead, if you hear that, find another provider and get a game plan that makes sense to you.

I predict that you’ll be glad you did.

Stephen Gallup is the author of What About the Boy? A Father’s Pledge to His Disabled Son. Please visit www.fatherspledge.com for information.